Blue\'s guide to stuff #1: Arkansas.

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Author: blue
Posted on 07/04/2005
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Here is an easy, 15 point guide for visiting Arkansas, the most insignificant state in the U.S.

H

ere is an easy, 15 point guide for visiting Arkansas, the most insignificant state in the U.S.

1.Do not, under any circumstances, go outside at night, or day during the summer, or really any given time and season, without a can of RAID. You will be eaten alive by mosquitoes if you don't wear at least 10 pounds of the stuff.

2.Do not fsck with the hill people, they will kill you if you do.

3.The hot springs at Hot Springs are hot, hot as hell. It is suggested that you do not jump in ass naked, for you will burn.

4.Do not expect much intelligence from Arkansans, as the collective intelligence of the whole state is less then my microwave. It was at microwave level, but then i moved to Tennessee.

5.Do not ever trust the people with your stuff, as it will be stolen faster then Bill Gates earns $100 dollars.

6.When driving, don't. Arkansans have their own special way of driving, so it would be best to let them drive for you. (remember number 5)

7. Don't say orange, Tennessee, volunteer, or dog during football season, or you will be lynched.

8. If you weren't born and raised in the south, run at the first sight of the confederate flag, or you will be lynched.

9. If you get arrested, just go ahead and lose hope, because you are doomed to a life of legal problems.

10. Under no circumstances swim in Lake Pine Bluff, for you will mutate (all the waste in the state ends up there. All of it.)

11. Pack a radiation suit because there is a nuclear stockpile in the Pine Bluff Arsenal, I have no idea why weapons of mass destruction are trusted to Arkansans, but there you go.

12. Always carry a hat because it will rain for no reason at all on a cloudless day at any given moment.

13. Leave the native females alone. Trust me on this one.

14. Service at McDonald's sucks. It just does.

15. There is no way to escape the terrible, terrible heat. No way. At all.

And that's all. Hopefully you can escape someday, as I did. And remember, don't fsck with the hill people, as they will squash you.

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